Who are you kidding? You know you haven't gotten your mom/wife/granny a gift yet, and that's just sad. The way I see it, you have two options: (a) participate in my (free) Mother's Day tribute by following the directions here, OR (b) throw money at the problem and buy 5 Second Rule themed stationery, t-shirts, or aprons here:
(Purchase from Zazzle in the next two days with the code 10MOMDAYSALE and get 10% off.)
Here's my favorite item, using my photo of skinny asparagus above:
Any woman who has ever had a baby (even if that baby was you) would find that hilarious. Trust me.